Homework Battles

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Esmé seems to have a major issue with completing her homework every day.  If you read our facebook statuses, you’d think she gets mountains of it.  In reality, she just manages to stretch it out ad infinitum. 

And it bugs me a little, because I don’t see her getting much benefit from it and there are many things I’d rather be doing with her, but I’m trying to be supportive of her teachers and all and enforce this work ethic thing… 

So I try to look at the humorous side of things.  Hence this random assortment of facebook posts for your reading pleasure…

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Esmé is supposed to be doing her homework. Instead, she is telling me in great detail about the robot she is going to invent that is a mind reader and can hold a pencil and do her homework for her. Trying to convince her that it would be easier to just do her homework.

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After Christmas break: So, Esmé is struggling to get back to the school schedule. Last night, after not getting to watch a movie because homework wasn't done, Miss Esmé made me a special sash to wear: "A girl's worst nightmare."

After seeing my reaction, she backpeddled a bit - explaining that a nightmare is a bad thing, so to be the worst of a bad thing is actually a compliment. Do I let her off the hook?

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Life as a short-order cook for a 6yo...

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Every evening I have to drag my kicking-screaming child away from a learning activity like this to do her homework. I am leaning further and further towards unschooling. Anyone willing to push me over the edge? Or pull me back to center?

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Day after MLK holiday:  Today's anti-homework protest by Miss Esmé: "You're like the white guy, and I'm like the black guy. And you're forcing me to give up my seat on the bus."

Sigh...

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Esmé's homework-avoidance tactics tonight included creating her own piano book. Her first written composition is catchy the way she plays it, though the end needs a bit of work. Any piano teachers in Roseburg up to handling this kid?

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Second day into my latest homework strategy, and it is not working. As an incentive, I read a chapter of a book after each page of homework she completes. But Miss Esmé simply grabs the book and reads the whole thing herself, instead of doing the next page of homework. At one book per page of homework, she's never going to finish. Gotta come up with a new incentive.

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Esmé's been listening to The Boxcar Children audiobooks today, and she's still in her pajamas, face blackened with candle soot, a fort of blankets & scarves in her bedroom, eating peanut butter and honey straight from the jars. All signs of a motherless child?

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It's the simple things that make her happy. Or is it?

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This is the book Esmé read three chapters of yesterday (instead of doing homework). Loving it! http://www.amazon.com/Adam-Eve-Family-Bible-Story/dp/0828018502

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A question on Esmé's *easy* math homework: Continue the pattern: 105, 100, 115, 120, ____, ____, ____
Can't blame Common Core for that one.

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She decided to do the Ivory soap microwave experiment during one of her many breaks. But she used Coast instead of Ivory, and the house smells toxic now. Open windows everywhere... All in the name of science.

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It is 10pm and 6yo Esmé is in bed listening to Ezekiel on CD. I'm not sure what to think of myself as a parent.

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Posted by a friend:

Photo Credit: Susan Messina

My comment:  I can tell you how the science fair project would go with my 6yo. I'd tell her about the requirements and give her a few ideas for projects. She'd reject all my ideas and decide to prove mermaids are real for her project. I'd try to divert her, suggesting she do something on dolphins and echolocation or something else vaguely related to mermaids. I'd check out lots of books and websites, she'd quickly lose interest, I'd use all sorts of "motivational" tactics to "help" her come up with a bare-bones project, doing as much of it myself as I could ethically do while still calling it "her" project. Two months later, while she's supposed to be doing her math homework, I'd catch her writing a comprehensive illustrated book on using echolocation to discover merpeople, and 10 years from now, she will actually discover one. The end.

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And just some random Esmé-isms:

"It's hard to think when I'm admiring myself."

Working on Holy Land history. I ask Esmé, "What's another name for Megiddo?" Her prompt response, "Armadillo!" I think we need a little more work on this chapter...

Miss Smartypants

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The Post About How I Send My Kid to School to Socialize, Not to Learn

In a feeble adaptation of an idea from The Secrets of Happy Families, I’ve started asking 6yo Esmé three questions every day when I pick her up from school.  “What is one good thing that happened to you today?”  “One bad thing?”  “One thing you learned?”

And usually the answer to the last question is, “Nothing.”

So when I drove her to school the other morning, I told her, “Make sure you learn at least one thing today!”

“But what if Mrs. [names of her three teachers] don’t say anything I don’t already know?”

“Then pick up a book, about Spain, about dinosaurs, whatever, and learn something from the book,” I say.

She starts rattling off dinosaur names from the back seat.

I pull into the school parking lot and interrupt her.  “There are an infinite number of books,” I tell her.  “And new ones are being published daily.  You’ll never be able to keep up with all the new books.”

She retorts, “Just because the books are new doesn’t mean the information in them will be new.”

True enough. 

As she gets out of the car, she talks about how her 3rd grade teacher is covering types of triangles, which she already knows thanks to Beast Academy.  She is giving me a lesson in obtuse and acute and scalene and isosceles as I walk her to the school door, to the amusement of the parents behind us.

I kiss her goodbye and sigh once again.  Miss Smartypants.

Today again, she tells me, “I already knew everything my teachers said.”  And judging by the papers that come home, I realize it could very well be true.  Outside of the “save the earth” hocus-pocus science infused in her math and reading and music and art, there’s not a lot of new material for her there.

When she does rattle off something she learned, it is along the lines of “I learned not to blow my nose during PE, or [so-and-so] will tell the PE teacher I was playing around and I’ll have to sit on the bench for the next game.”

From the stories she tells, tattletaling is the biggest social injustice in our schools today.  Seriously.  I digress.

But not really.  Because I send her to school to socialize, not to learn.

I can’t blame the school about her “lack of learning” entirely.  There are a number of factors – let me get that list thing I love so much going:

1. They can’t just accelerate her more.  She is already doing 3rd grade math and reading and language arts.  I’m not sure I want my 6yo moved into a class of 9-10yos right now.  We’re dealing with enough teenage attitude issues already as it is.
2. She is the dilly-dalliest child on the face of the planet.  It’s not like she quickly finishes her graded busywork so they can ply her with enrichment activities.
3. She is easily distracted in a classroom setting.  Social butterfly that she is, she learns best in a one-on-one environment where she doesn’t have the urge to keep track of what every other student in the class is doing.

All things considered, it is clear that the best academic choice for her is homeschooling.  I’m not expecting the school to perform miracles.

So why is she still in public school?

Good question.  And one I ask myself just about every day.  I am fairly certain this is temporary, though I have not a clue how we will rearrange our lives to allow for an alternative.  But for now, she’s there to socialize.

Yes, I know homeschoolers can be well socialized and may be highly offended by the socialization discussion – after all, socialization needs are best met with the parent present.  I get it.  But here are our circumstances:

• She is an only child.
• She is a social butterfly and is energized by being around others.
• We live at least 25 miles from just about any type of organized activity that could be classified as social.
• I am an introvert, and all I want to do after a day of working around other people is curl up at home.
• She WANTS to go to school, specifically because of her friends.

Right here and now, school is an easy way to meet her socialization needs.

And the fact of the matter is, she has learned a lot while socializing at school:

• She knows that there are people who are richer and people who are poorer, what it means to envy and what it means to be generous.
• She’s used the interpersonal skills she picked up from Junie B. and her holocaust studies to make friends out of enemies.  And she knows they may still choose not to be friends.
• She has learned how to flip her hair at the bigger girls who giggle when she walks by.  And she endures the idiots who make sure all the third graders know it is *wrong* to play with little kids like her.
• She knows a variety of games she’d never have learned from me, like metal freeze tag.
• She knows how to stand in line and wait her turn.  (Had to put that in somewhere…)
• She fine-tunes her world domination strategies, expanding her influence every day.
• She knows better than to debate evolution with an atheist using the Bible as the baseline.  You’ve got to establish common ground and meet them where they’re at, with topics like entropy and convergent evolution.
• She doesn’t take her belief in God for granted.  She tests and questions and comes back to Him time and again.

Is she young for some of these lessons?  Sure.  But without the academic pressure at school, these social lessons get her full attention, and she is mastering them with flying colors.

So, where will she be next year?  Next week?  I don’t know.  But she’ll be learning a lot, wherever that may be.  She can’t help herself.

Friday Fragment: SpyKid?

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Original posted March 19, 2008
Our school theme today was “Duck.”

As Mommy was going over the word “DUCK” in foam letters, I walked away (as I often do when I get bored) and came back in a few moments with a book I had grabbed from my book pile. It said “DUCK,” too. See?


... [click here to read the rest]

And Our Curriculum This Year…

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…hasn’t changed much from last year.  So we have a head start on our post this year – last year we waited until October 30th.

It does include a bit more homework.  With Miss Esmé doing bits of 2nd and 3rd grade in school, she has some unique challenges, like taking two spelling tests each Wednesday for a total of 40 words, and having two “review-ish” math assignments each weekend.  She has also been “struggling” to keep up with the written work in class, and what doesn’t get done during class (and recess) comes home as well.  So that is about an hour of kick-butt homework a day, or 4 hours of Esmé-dilly-dallying homework a day.

And there are days I am ready to demand we quit the madness at any cost, when I’ve been practically pulling teeth to get her to finish 27 problems of adding three or four numbers, each of two to four digits a piece, to prove what?  Or when she has to draw her problems (which thankfully are usually single-digit problems) as dwarfs or tropical fish with minute detail, once again, to prove what?  Or when her Math-a-Minute practices get slower and slower the more she practices, because she is adding to 12 or 9 or 13 instead of to 10, or halving even numbers and adding half and then half again or some other such game instead of simply memorizing her facts.

But we do have a routine of sorts now.  Sort of.  They involve my FlyLady 15-minute timer – though sometimes Esmé turns it off and hides it from me.  And so far her “I hate school because I have to do homework” rants are outweighed by the “I would hate to homeschool because I would never see my friends” comments, so I feel a little more at peace with our limbo state of existence.

So, what DO we do for fun when the homework is done?

Actually, the first is something we do before getting to homework, but “fun” rhymes with “done,” so deal with it.

The News.  Yep, I go straight to www.cnn.com/studentnews as soon as we get home from school and bring up the liberal slant of the day.  It’s a great way to develop critical thinking skills and learn that fiction can be presented as fact.  Seriously, in spite of their atrocious take on the debt ceiling, it’s an easy 10-minute way to introduce Miss Esmé to current events and help her see the world beyond her four walls, plus she learns awful puns to practice on her dad later.

Math.  Because she doesn’t get enough of it at school?  No, because she comes home telling me how she hates math, so I need to re-convince her that math is awesome.

• Life of Fred.  Cuddle-reading time always works for us, and Miss tolerates Fred’s quirkiness reasonably well.  Still meandering through the elementary series, we should be wrapping up and getting through the intermediate series this year.
• Beast Academy.  New to us this year, it is a good complement to the 3rd grade math Esmé does in school.  It gives the “depth” stuff to the subject matter being covered in a cool way; Esmé is still fascinated by the cartoon characters giving the lessons, and there are puzzles and games to reinforce the lessons.
• TimezAttack.  Though I sometimes wonder at the psychology of an ogre-giant-monster guy swinging a club at a girl every time she takes too long answering a problem, I try not to question computer games that make learning facts fun.  Because a paper and a timer, day after day, just isn’t fun.

Science.  Because she is fascinated by it.  Especially animals.  And hands-on stuff.  If I could afford science experiment kits for every day of the year, she’d be in science heaven.

• Noeo Science.  We are still working through Biology I.  (And I’m okay with that.  Though we’ve now passed the one-year mark.  Truly.)  As soon as it is done, it’ll be Chemistry I. And Physics I.  Because we love it and it comes with everything already included and we can just keep working on it as long as the world turns.
• Magic School Bus.  I succumbed and bought the whole DVD series on a super sale, so we have a handy DVD resource for just about any science topic.  And there are so many cool unit studies and freebies available online.  Like these free science plans from The Homeschool Belle.
• Jonathan Park.  We keep adding to our collection of this creation-based science audio series as we have funds.  And we’ve scored a couple of corresponding study guides in thrift stores.
• And we’ve just got scads of science early readers, science project books, DVDs, not to mention internet and library resources. 

Bible.  Okay, I’m just copying this from last year’s post.  Because really, nothing’s changed.  Though we do add devotionals and magazines and books all over the place.

• Your Story Hour.  We’ve had a set of Bible stories through the life of Christ, and it is amazing how much Esmé has picked up on biblical knowledge from listening to these at bedtime for several years.  We keep adding to our collection as finances allow.  Best prices I’ve seen are at www.libraryanded.com.  And if you want a free weekly sampling, you can listen in at www.oneplace.com – we regularly check there for the stories we don’t already have.  Great for all elementary ages.
• The Bible Story Set.  We invested in these a couple of years ago, and we still love the illustrations and the inclusion of so many Bible stories in this series.  I try to read one chapter a night.  Great for all elementary ages.
• Superbook.  I grew up on this series – which is cool since we didn’t have a television or VCR; I watched it at the bookstore my father managed…  Anyway, I hooked Esmé on one of the new revamped DVDs and am trying to figure out an economical way to get the rest.  Anyone have ideas?

History. Once again, lots of repeats from last year’s post. Why change something that’s awesome?

• Drive Thru History.  Our newest addition is part of this video series with a Christian perspective -  we’ve been catching up on Roman history, and it’s neat to visually correlate it to what we’ve heard in biblical and other history sources.  Now to keep adding to our collection as finances allow…
• Mystery of History.  We have Volumes I & II on CD and have listened 3 times through; I keep checking every SINGLE week on whether Volume III is out on CD yet, since it’s supposed to come out this fall.  I love the chronological, world-wide approach to history from a Christian perspective; Esmé enjoys the stories.  For now, this age, we are just listening, not expanding or doing supplemental material.  Great for long commutes and road trips.
• TruthQuest History (American History for Young Students III) – an introduction to a topic with an awesome booklist to choose from.  (STILL working on the same “year” after several years.  And I’m okay with that. Truly.) Even with our small secular library, there are stacks of good material on a bulk of the topics.
• Liberty’s Kids.  Which Amazon keeps selling at ridiculously low prices.  Esmé had already watched the whole series via the library, but since she enjoyed it and it seems all kinds of free unit study resources are coming out for it, it was definitely worth adding to our history line-up.

While it feels like we are on hiatus from most other “formal” subjects (including music and dance), life is full of learning ALL THE TIME.  We have a piano and an expanding instrument selection that get occasional use.  Unit studies and lapbooks provide inspiration on random subjects all over the place.  And Little Miss has an obsession with board games and Barbies lately.  Now that Esmé is reading with relative ease, the opportunities keep expanding.  I love this age.  Does the learning just keep getting better and better?

I still want to spend more time site-seeing our local area each week. 

And Esmé’s requested subject for the year is Spanish.  Help!  I am horrid at languages!  She specifically asked for Speekee again – and it looks like you can now get a basic account free, so I need to figure that out.  I’ll also dust off REAL Homeschool Spanish as soon as I get a moment to breath.

I am feeling overwhelmed writing this.  I think we will just do unschooling.  Except I’ll require Esmé to brush her teeth.

What Animal Are You Today?

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Are you a wallaby?  Meerkat?  Flamingo?  Floppy-eared goat?  Capybara?  Three-toed sloth?  Cotton-top tamarin?  Vampire bat?  Honey badger?

I ask Esmé how school went today.  “What was the best part?”

“Recess!” comes the predictable answer.

“What did you do during recess?” I ask.

“We played hyenas.  I was the hyena, and one boy was a dog, and the other boy was a cat,” she replies.  “Hahahahahahahahahahahah…”

At least 50 percent of her waking hours seem to be spent as something other than human.

I’ve begun to feel more and more understanding of Calvin.  No imaginary tiger friend has she, though.  She IS the imaginary tiger.

A very good one, I must say.  She takes on the animal-of-the-day’s traits: sounds, dietary preferences, modes of locomotion.  She’ll be a seal one day, a sea lion the next, with a distinct understanding of the differences.

She’s only six, people say.  That is normal behavior for six.

Maybe so.  But we are surrounded by kids both younger and older at the county fair, and she is the only one crawling around, begging for a belly rub.

There are times I wish she’d act like a human being, but I work with it.  “I want you to practice walking on your hind legs,” I say.  “I’ll give you a treat when we get to the car if you get it right.”

At school they are not so lenient.  Recess isn’t a problem, I think, but during class, the crawling on the floor or licking out of a bowl, not to mention the animal-speak, could be distracting.  Normal behavior in Kindergarten, perhaps, we are told, but not expected of 1st graders.  2nd graders.  3rd graders. 

You can’t easily instruct the child to pack her alter-ego into her backpack so it doesn’t distract her from her “important” work.

(Yes, she is an authentic kitty-cat on the very day we’re discussing grade acceleration with the principal.)

(Yes, she had a partial-day suspension in Kindergarten for beating up two boys while role-playing as a wild mustang.  And learned an important lesson that you need to take responsibility for your alter-ego’s actions.)

Which leads me to the critical questions:

What careers exist for animal impersonators?

Can she make a living at this?

Meanwhile, in the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight.

Sweet dreams, baby kitten…

The Trump Card

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“It’s not fair!” she says, over and over.

We are watching The Devil’s Arithmetic, based on a Jane Yolen novel about a Jewish teenager who goes back in time to a concentration camp during WWII. 

(It’s recommended for ages 10+, and I’d agree with that in most cases.  Esmé’s been enjoying DVDs off the teen shelf lately, and this was one I grabbed at last visit to the library.  I was doing an early morning preview, and she got up early and decided to join me, immediately riveted to the screen.  Having read that it wasn’t extremely graphic, I decided to acquiesce to her insistence on watching it all the way through.)

She’s deeply bothered that the prisoners’ hair is chopped off, and that they don’t have pajamas, and that they have to share blankets.  She draws parallels between the time of Moses and babies being killed, between escapee hangings and Haman’s gallows. 

Once again, I am seeing history, His story, through new eyes. 

Of all the subjects we cover, I think history is the most important.  Anyone can teach math, reading, spelling, writing, even science, and it can be incorporated into a Christian worldview.  But seeing God’s hand all the way from Creation and even before, all the way to the present events, is a foundation I desperately want to lay before too many other people attempt to influence Miss Esmé with contradictory worldviews.

And so I watch her watch the effects of evil on the screen.  I am glad that she is bothered by the injustice, that it touches her so.  To be untouched would be callous!  And I thrill as I watch her delve deeper into understanding a God whose world, whose laws, allow for such unfairness. 

From the time she could talk and we had a clue what was going through her busy mind, Esmé has been obsessed with fairness.  Mostly in terms of how she is treated.  Why is it fair that we have two votes to her one, and even when one parent is not here, she still loses out to the one parent, because parent votes are bigger?  She is quick to point out inconsistencies – and to demand fair treatment.

She bumps into a classmate at school and says a quiet “I’m sorry.”  The adult on duty, not hearing, comes over and demands that she say “Excuse me.”  She thinks “I’m sorry” is more appropriate after the fact and has already said it, and so they clash and I get a note from the teacher about her bad day and she is miserable from the injustice of it all.

And we tell her life isn’t fair.  Deal with it.

Her teacher tells me Esmé needs explanation when her friends lose privileges for a misdeed; she demands to know why they are being punished.  And while some might say her questioning shows a lack of respect, I am proud of her in this case.  Because she is demanding justice for her friends, not for herself.  And I think that is worthy.

It is always worthy “to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free.” (Isaiah 58:6)  Of all the dreams I have for her, this is among the greatest.

We follow up The Devil’s Arithmetic with Miracle at Midnight, illustrating the impact just a few, just a one, can have on thwarting injustice.

But the fact is: life here and now doesn’t seem fair.  As much as we strive to change things, this remains a fact.  All the time, there are people who get worse than they seemingly deserve.  People who get better than they deserve.  And we wonder why the innocent suffer and the wicked seem to inherit the earth.

But there is one awesome card in this game of life, baby girl.  A trump card, held by God Himself, the King of contradictions Who will set this world right side up again.

It’s called grace.

It means people don’t get what they deserve.

They get far better than they deserve.

Maybe not right here, right now, though you see glimpses of grace all around if you look.  But one day…

…the trump shall resound, and all this pain and suffering will be no more.

And it will seem infinitely minuscule in comparison to the majesty God has in store.  A majesty we can’t even begin to comprehend.

My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy rains
Unending love, Amazing grace

Feel the pain and injustice, my girl.  Loose those chains. 

And live secure, fearless in the knowledge of Grace.

The First Year

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What are your kids doing this school year?

I keep saying I’m not sure, but school here starts next Tuesday (already?!), so I guess it’s safe to say, barring unforeseen drastic circumstances, Esmé will be back in our local public school.

As I’ve mentioned before, I don’t see public school and homeschool as mutually exclusive.  No matter what outside resources we utilize, we maintain full responsibility for all aspects of Esmé’s life, including academics.  Right now, as Hoagies’ puts it, we’re looking for the “least-worst” educational option.  Every option we’ve looked at has its pros and cons, and for right now, this year, it seems that the local school wins.  Next year, next month, next week, might be a different story. We’re staying flexible here.

How did last year in public school go?  For starters, we didn’t see anyone with horns – except maybe on Halloween, but we kept Esmé out of school that day.  All of Esmé’s teachers seemed incredibly vested in the welfare of their students and reasonably respectful of the parents’ role.

It also worked to our advantage that the main emphasis in lower grades is the 3Rs.  There is less room for ideology there – and lots of room for us to add in the science, history, and Bible topics from a Christian worldview at home.

And while we didn’t place Esmé in public school for evangelistic purposes, we did know her personality lends itself to standing strong in her beliefs, perhaps even stronger if they are at odds with the majority.

Oregon’s overall TAG program is pretty weak, but our local rural school seemed most willing to work with our situation.  We broached the idea of starting her in 1st grade last September, but they proposed an individual program to challenge her within Kindergarten, and we decided she’d probably enjoy the social aspect of it.

Kindergarten

Esmé started the year off well, winning the Student of the Month award in October for being caring towards her teachers and fellow students.

What worked well:

• Differentiated reading groups.   Esmé was placed in a 1st grade small group, and her reading fluency jumped leaps and bounds in the first few months.  Her teachers said she loved reading, though we didn’t see much evidence of this at home.
• Weekend projects.  Her teacher gave her a nonfiction book each weekend, and she’d put together a little project and presentation for her class on Monday.  She LOVED being able to “teach.”
• Teachers and friends.  Esmé adored her teacher and very much enjoyed the social aspect of school.  Given a choice between school and home, most days she would emphatically choose school.
• Recess and choice time.  Her favorite parts of school.

What didn’t work as well:

• Independent assignments.  Esmé doesn’t work well independently under the best of circumstances.  Working independently while the rest of the class was involved in other activities was tough for her.
• Math.  Initially Esmé went to a 1st-grade classroom for math, but it seemed to be more work than it was worth, especially since the material didn’t challenge her at all.  We asked for individual 2nd-grade assignments in her own classroom.  See above bullet point, enough said.
• Transitioning.  Esmé can get hyper-focused, and moving from one activity to another based on an arbitrary classroom schedule proved hard for her.  She also seems unable to pace herself to finish assignments in a prescribed time.
• Friendship.  Esmé’s friendship with her kindergarten BFF seemed to give her extra “courage” in disregarding teacher expectations; when I observed them, they seemed to play in their own world outside of adult instructions.

In November, behavior challenges were cropping up, and by December, Esmé was spending considerable time in the principal’s office.  Best I can tell, she saw herself as being the exception to class instructions and rules.  We thought perhaps a change to classroom more on level with her abilities would help.

In January, Esmé spent a few afternoons in a 1st grade classroom with some of the students in her reading group, and then she made a complete grade switch for the last half of the year.

First Grade

What worked well:

• Same expectations as rest of class.  She no longer had reason to see herself as an exception to class rules.
• Differentiated reading groups. Reading continued to improve.  She’s finally reading chapter books at home for pure enjoyment.
• Math-a-minute.  I was unsure how this would go at first, but once Esmé got past the addition and subtraction facts (huge focus issues), she easily learned the multiplication and division facts, beyond any of my expectations.
• Teachers and friends. Esmé loved her next teacher and still very much enjoyed the social aspect of school.
• Recess and choice time. Still her favorite parts of school.  Though she seemed to have less of it due to unfinished paperwork.

What didn’t work as well:

• Paperwork.  Or busywork.  Or just about any type of assignment requiring written output.  Esmé can write reasonably well.  She just has some perfectionistic tendencies.  Plus she prefers being creative with her output, not working within boundaries, especially when she doesn’t see the point.  And she can drag things out interminably, even if she enjoys what she is doing.  So we got notes about her “bad work ethic” along with lots of unfinished paperwork.
• No weekend projects. She didn’t have a “special” spot for presenting these anymore – her teacher suggested she share them during regular sharing time.  And she wanted to just present “regular” stuff during this time, like a watch or a doll or a stuffed animal, so her motivation for weekend projects died.
• Math.  With the exception of “math-a-minute” (see above), Esmé was less challenged here than in Kindergarten (where she had grade 2 assignments).  To be fair, the teacher did add concepts beyond just the standard curriculum (for the entire class), and Esmé enjoyed some of the more hands-on math.
• A separate bathroom.  Not having a bathroom in the classroom allowed for more “behavioral” issues to crop up.  I’ll leave it at that.

In both classrooms, trying to motivate Esmé was an ongoing challenge.  The positive behavior support program didn’t work.  Taking recess and choice time away didn’t work.  Treasure boxes, while making her happy for a moment, didn’t work.  Typical motivators don’t work. No surprise, I must say…

So, Esmé’s first grade was a wrap, and we are on to the next phase of challenges.

Breaking the Silence

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She sits overlooking the North Umpqua, reading an information board about the life cycle of salmon.

I walk over, asking her about what she’s read.  We discuss how salmon life is hard for the few eggs that survive into young salmonhood, and about the birds of prey that are eager to snatch them out of the river.

“Like me,” she says.

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“Satan is a predator, out to get me,” she replies.  “And he uses you and dad to be mean to me.”

I’ve never been accused of being the devil’s assistant before, at least not to my face.  But this conversation doesn’t shock me.  Esmé’s passion for truth and fairness and God, her retention of facts and her ability to tie things together, are regularly juxtaposed with her 6-year-old self-centric worldview.

I remind her once again how much her dad and I love her.  How love means we must, as her parents, train her up in the way she she should go.  And sometimes that might not be what she wants in the moment, and it may not be what we want to do, but ultimately it’s for her good.

She’s heard it before, and it doesn’t seem to impact her at all.  I say it anyway.  It doesn’t hurt to say “I love you” again and again, in many various ways.

And how I love that kid.  Her brilliance, her spark, her beauty, her passion, her sweetness.  Her insistence on doing everything the hard way, the difficult way, the different way, and all the pain that results.

We’ve been pretty silent here this past year.  It’s the general busyness of life, in part.  But it is also the crazy vortex we’ve been in since Esmé started public school last fall.  I’ve known she was academically ahead of her age-group, but I didn’t realize how very uniquely she is wired.  She learns differently, is motivated differently, doesn’t fit the mold for anything.  I read the almost-daily notes from teachers; I watch her mix with other kids.  This rabbit-hole of parenthood, I’ve realized, is weird to the extreme for us.

Should I Kvetch or Kvell About My Kid?  I could have written that article myself.  Except for the Jewish twist. No matter what I say, it seems to come across wrong, so I’ve chosen to stay silent for the most part.

I don’t know what Esmé’s IQ is, and I’m not particularly keen on finding out, but immersing myself into gifted parenting resources, everything makes sense.  Like putting in contact lenses. The sleep issues as a newborn.  The potty training.  The food textures.  The precision.  The dislike of repetition.  The perfectionism.  The transition issues.  The desperate need for music at bedtime.  The boredom.  The need to go against the flow.  The imaginary worlds.  The need for control.  The mind games.  Oh, the mind games. 

I’ve gone through intense emotions of pride in her accomplishments, guilt at the molds I’ve tried to force her into, sadness at the loss of personal dreams for her, frustration at a world that just doesn’t seem to get her at times.  And tiredness.  Extreme tiredness. 

The “gifted” label is far too loaded for my taste, but in finding it, I find a world of parents who provide comfort in the knowledge that we’re not alone.  There are no easy answers, and the majority of us seem to stay silent for fear of being misunderstood.

One thing I have missed in this year of discovery is the grounding of faith.  I’ve filtered through stacks of parenting advice, keeping some and discarding most.  I haven’t found many Christian mammas blogging about this topic. 

And I want to know:  how do I nurture and grow that heart for Jesus, above all?  How do I keep my own priorities straight while struggling with fatigue?  What are the important parenting battles, the hills to stand on and fight to the death?  When should I be quiet and let the still small Voice do the talking?

“The last to cross the finish line will win.”

It’s a crazy rabbit-hole I find myself in.  And the answers are opposite down here.

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Enter to win Show Me How! Build Your Child’s Self-Esteem Through Reading, Crafting and Cooking by Vivian Kirkfield.

Fast Math Facts…

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Esmé was introduced to Math-A-Minute at school this week.  Each day she has two minutes to finish 15 problems correctly.  If she succeeds, the next day’s problems are a little harder…

She’s a math constructivist, not a lover of repetitious calculations.  And she’s completely time-challenged.  This should be fun, you think?  She does know her basic addition facts well, so we’ll see how it goes.

First day went fine.  On to the next level.

She brought her practice sheet home.  First time through, she completed all 15 problems with 10 seconds to spare.  On her second practice run, she only got through 13.

I noticed she had spent longer than expected on 9+4.  Anything with 9 is usually a piece of cake.  So I asked her about it.

“I added 2 to the 9 to make 11.  Then I had to take the 2 from the 4, which made 2.  So then I had to add 2 to 11,” she explained.

Huh?  If it weren’t for the glint in her eye, I would’ve thought we failed somewhere in our explanation of adding to 10s.  Little Miss Constructivist is just taking her time messing around with numbers, it seems.

I let it go.

On her second day at school, she only got 9 problems done.  I had her do another practice run at home afterwards.  8 problems.  She’s spending too much time on problems like 2+2 and 3+0.

From 15 completed problems with time to spare, to 13, to 9, to 8.  Hogwash.

So I find worksheets online at the same level and printed a bunch of them off.  Little Miss IS going to keep doing this until she gets 15 problems done in two minutes.

She takes me a bit more seriously.  13 on the next run, 13 on the next run, and finally, she gets 19 done before the 2-minute timer buzzes.  We quit for the day.

The next day at school, she gets 10 problems done.  She’s pleased – it’s better than 9.

I’m not pleased.

She tells me, “I need to do it in an empty room with black walls.  Then I can do it faster.”

Coincidentally, IMACS comes out with an article, “Mathematical Talent and the Timed Arithmetic Test” on that very day.  I smile and relax.  Her timed score is not a reflection of her innate ability.  I know that already – it’s just nice to have some reinforcement.

With a little online research, I realize that timed math facts tests have gotten a bad rap in recent years.  They don’t necessarily measure math ability.  They even create a hatred for math or false feelings of inadequacy for those who don’t do well.

And yet…

There are so many benefits to being able to do calculations quickly.  Not to mention, it’s good that Miss Esmé is being challenged mathematically – even if only by time – in school.  I like Hoagies’ perspective on it:  “Why Memorize Math Facts?”

So I sit back.  And watch.  And wait.  Yes, this should be fun…

Precision, Please!

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I had some fun planned for our homeschool day.  First we’d get a little math out of the way.  ALEKS – Esmé doesn’t like computation practice, but she can do her review and master a topic in under 10 minutes when she has her game on.

Her topic choice of the day, however, left much to be desired in her mind.  Round two or three numbers and add the rounded numbers to come up with an estimated sum.  I explain how I use this little trick all the time in evaluating financials, working budgets in a group setting, etc.  It’s perfectly handy and good to know when you need approximate numbers on the fly.

But WHY would you calculate an estimated sum when you can calculate the actual sum?!  Absolutely ludicrous to Miss 5yo Esmé, who can calculate actual sums perfectly fine, thank you very much….

So she didn’t get her game on.  Refused to do it.  Insisted she didn’t know how. 

I tried various motivators.  I gave her a time limit.  Started taking the fun plans away one by one.  Sent her to her room for some serious time out.

She was fine.  No worries – she popped in a read-aloud CD and read along in her Bible storybooks, curled up on her bed. 

These are the times her intrinsic motivators kick in.  She couldn’t care less about the motivators I attempt to use on her, even less about my feelings on the matter.

Me – I’m miserable.  All these plans for naught – there is so much cool stuff we could be exploring together.

I wonder if I’m ludicrous to “discipline” my 5yo over her refusal to do 3rd grade math on a non-school day.

I wonder if I’m ludicrous for expecting my 5yo to do math that makes no sense to her.  Should I just let her lead the way?  I’m the one who believes she’s an autonomous learner.  Maybe I should back off.

My issue is not so much the math – I know she CAN do it.  It’s the refusal to follow directions.  To do what is asked even when it doesn’t make sense in her mind.  That is the biggest behavior issue her teachers have with her at school, and the biggest issue we have with her at home.

Now what?

Asynchronous

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We are at Wildlife Safari, a close encounter with their gorgeous 9mo cheetah ambassadors.  Someone asks what cheetahs eat. 

“Meat. What do you call animals that eat only meat?” asks the trainer.

“Carnivores!” comes the answer from a 9yo.

“That’s right!” says the trainer.

5yo Esmé raises her hand.  “They’re obligate carnivores,” she says.

“Wow!  A big word for a little girl!” the trainer exclaims.  “Yes, they’re obligate carnivores!”

Esmé raises her hand again.

“Yes?” asks the trainer.

Out of her pocket, she pulls out a plastic happy-meal toy she got from a co-worker of mine earlier that day.  “Wanna see my pink Easter bunny?” she asks the trainer in front of the captive audience.  “It’s just about to hatch!”

Curriculum Choices…

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The advantage of being late in publishing our Curriculum Choices for the school year is that we have a good clue of what works and what doesn’t work!

Since 5yo Esmé is in school four days a week, we don’t get to do as much stuff.  We do get to focus on the important stuff and skip out on the peripheral subjects, like handwriting and other busywork.  In fact, my motto in choosing curricula this year:  NO BUSYWORK!

Daily Listening Time:  Bible/History/Science/Values Resources
Bedtime is prime real estate time in Esmé’s brain, it seems, and she LOVES read alouds and audio books, we’ve got some good stuff planned for evenings each day of the week.

• The World’s Greatest Stories.  We reviewed one of these CDs last year, and we just invested in the rest.  Dramatized Bible stories, word-for-word from the Bible, Esmé could not get enough of the one CD we have.  An easy way to hide His word in one’s heart.  Great for all elementary ages.
• Your Story Hour.  We’ve had a set of Bible stories through the life of Christ, and it is amazing how much Esmé has picked up on biblical knowledge from listening to these at bedtime for several years.  We just purchased the Acts of the Apostles set, along with two history sets.  Best prices I’ve seen are at www.libraryanded.com.  And if you want a free weekly sampling, you can listen in at www.oneplace.com – we regularly check there for the stories we don’t already have.  Great for all elementary ages.
• The Bible Story Set.  We invested in these a couple of years ago, and we still love the illustrations and the inclusion of so many Bible stories in this series.  I try to read one chapter a night.  Great for all elementary ages.
• Mystery of History.  We have Volumes I & II on CD; eagerly awaiting Volumes III & IV.  I love the chronological, world-wide approach to history from a Christian perspective; Esmé enjoys the stories.  For now, this age, we are just listening, not expanding or doing supplemental material.
• Mary Martha’s Really-Truly Stories.  My parents recently found a reprint of this set of books by Gwendolen Lampshire Hayden; I think these were originally published in the 1940s, chock full of real old-timey stories that illustrate Christian values.  We’re reading a chapter a night.
• Jonathan Park.  Just got turned on to these in my quest for a creation-based science audio series.  They have a weekly free show online, and we’ve subsequently bought two sets of CDs.
• Paws & Tales.  Another favorite audio collection of ours, with Bible and values and more, is Chuck Swindoll’s Paws & Tales.  We have two DVDs, which has heightened Esmé’s interest in the program (she had a hard time following all the animals at first).  I love the podcast format, which means I can sync up my iPod and play the weekly episodes in the car, etc.

Our homeschool days will be a bit more intense…

• Math.  Since Esmé is working nicely above grade level and we’d like to keep her there, we’ll continue with math at home.  No worksheets… Life of Fred! A favorite that has been a great way to start the day – with some cuddle-reading time that Esmé enjoys, and Mom always feels like we’ve learned at least one thing, even if we accomplish nothing else!
• Math II.  We’ll also continue doing IXL, since I’m kinda fond of checklists and standards and all that (duck…).  IXL shows exactly where she is at in terms of Oregon’s standards.  Since it’s on the computer, Esmé tolerates it ok, especially if she wins a prize after mastering a concept.
• Science.  We’re working through Noeo Biology I.  This is the curriculum I always wanted but never knew existed!  Perfect for a book-loving kid and a busy mom, it is comprised of lots of read alouds and hands-on experiements – all materials included!
• History.  Continuing the read-aloud trend, we’ve revived our TruthQuest History course (American History for Young Students III) – an introduction to a topic with an awesome booklist to choose from.  Some weeks we read (or watch) a lot, other weeks not much – just staying flexible.  Even with our small secular library, there are stacks of good material on Cowboys, so we’ve spent a lot of time there.
• Spelling.  This was a last-minute addition when I realized that Esmé’s spelling/writing skills are WAY behind her reading skills.  I wanted something that required minimum prep time by mom and would systematically teach her the rules with minimal writing – since writing makes her cranky...  All About Spelling does recommend some writing, but we are sticking with their magnet tiles for the most part.  We are still getting through the “too-easy” section of Level 1; I need to pick up the pace with it.
• Music.  We are wrapping up KinderBach lessons.  When our membership expires in February, I think Esmé will have a good foundation for private piano lessons.
• Bible.  Last but definitely not least on the list, we haven’t settled on any one resource for the year.  We’re hop-skip-jumping around (except for the Bible stories at night).  I picked up a new Hooked on Bible Stories set at a thrift store a while back that we’ve been working on, as well as some Fruit of the Spirit materials (some free ones towards the bottom of this page).  We have some neat devotional books with hands-on activities.  We also won a set of Esther Grapevine Bible Studies that we’ll use soon.  If the materials ever slow down and I find adequate planning time in my schedule, I hope to use the Judah Bible Curriculum, but right now we are just being blessed with Bible adventures all over the place.

So that is where we are at now, and it feels like peak saturation point!  I feel contentedly surrounded with good materials, and I love having a daughter who loves to learn…

Ever Onward

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Five years ago, Mozi Esmé’s first post was published.  It has morphed over time, starting with happy baby updates for family, incorporating more mission-focused posts during our time in Mozambique, running wildly astray into book reviews for a period, settling into a preschooler routine, tackling homeschool product reviews, and lately trickling into… life just taking over.

One constant has been the homeschooling of Miss Esmé.  I tell people we started homeschooling at birth.  And I don’t mean reciting times tables and books of the Bible as I paced the floor with the ever-unsleeping baby – though I did do that as a sleep-deprived-sanity-tactic.  I’m talking about always researching the next developmental step and providing Esmé with appropriate tools to get there.  During infancy, we played classical music and flipped through black-and-white shape flashcards, progressing to bright colored ones.  At four months, I placed a marker in her hand and before she was a year, she was intentionally marking stuff up, much to my chagrin.  As she started to crawl, I was researching how to set up Montessori-style stations.

And so it’s gone.  I’ve relished the time, the magic moments, the amazingly deep spiritual conversations with my amazing big girl.

I’m a believer in the benefits of homeschooling.

And we’ll probably enroll Esmé in public school this month.

About-face?  I’ve struggled with writing this post.  Do I slink off into the night?  Try to justify it?  Get all cheerleader-y about this “new” direction?

I can give you a whole lot more reasons to homeschool than to public school.  I’m not here to convince anyone otherwise.  I’m not listing the reasons, the steps that brought us here.  Maybe next year, next week, things will be different. 

But I AM wondering this.  Are public school and homeschool mutually exclusive?

I see a resounding “yes” coming from the ranks of die-hard fight-for-homeschooling-rights homeschoolers, from those who choose to homeschool on moral grounds.  I cringe a little and duck.  We can get into all kinds of definition arguments, and I’m not feeling strong enough to weather the storm right now, especially when I can make your arguments as well as you can.

But we’ll progress, ever onward. God doesn’t always lead in the direction we’d think, amazingly enough.  This isn’t a cheerleader-y post, but rather one of submission.  That’s all.

Here’s the deal:  30 hours of her 168-hour week, my daughter will be in someone else’s care, with some input from her parents.  We keep tabs on what is going on; what we don’t like, we address.  The rest of the time (82 hours/week if you deduct my sleep-resistant daughter’s sleeptime), we are absolutely homeschooling.

So yes, you’ll still see homeschool-type posts.  I’ve got a curriculum lineup coming shortly.  You’ll see some homeschool product reviews.  You’ll also probably see public school activity posts.  It’s not some split-personality disorder.  It’s our life.

There.  Got that off my chest.  Now we can get on with all the photo posts of awesome summer activities.  Life has been full!

How to Bring Up a Gifted Child…

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Here’s what ya gotta do if you want a gifted child:


Seriously, folks – while I admit there are some freaky resemblances to reality in this video, I WOULD use caution in following this approach!  We are holding off on the Latin until Esmé's 5th birthday, for instance... :)

You can read more about what I have to say on giftedness over at The Homeschool Village.

If you are in the Portland, Oregon area – and are new to homeschooling your baby – er, preschooler – I’ve got a PSA for you…  You can attend the Oregon Christian Home Education Conference in Portland (June 24 & 25) for free!  We did it last year, and it is very much worth it.  Here are the requirements:

To attend for free: you must pre-register by June 15, your oldest child must be under 6 years of age (his or her 6th birthday must be after June 25, 2011), and this must be your first OCEANetwork Conference. Register online at OregonHomeschoolConference.com. There is no child care available. If you choose to bring your children, the registration fee is $10 each for children ages 3-5. Babies & Toddlers (0-2) are free.

For more details on this conference see www.OregonHomeschoolConference.com.