I would never interrupt our regular scheduled programming to bring you a special edition of "Not Me! Monday" on a Tuesday. I like my routines...
I especially wouldn't do that when I have an eye infection. I would never get an eye infection. It's no fun. I never do anything that's no fun.
I would never discover the tampon box and unwrap all the tampons.
I would never strip all the flowers and petals off the wildflower bouquet I helped pick, especially inside the house where it would make a mess. I never make messes.
I would never put my dummy into my mouth using my toe. Toes are for tiptoeing, not for coloring and eating and putting dummies into mouths.
I would never stomp in puddles with my favorite purple shoes. I might get them wet and ruin them, and I would never ruin my favorite shoes.
I would never drag my stool over to the stove and climb up it to help Mommy flip pancakes on the stove. First of all, because Mommy said not to. I always listen to her. And secondly, I am not into being helpful. I don't constantly look for ways to help.
Seeing as I never help, I wouldn't help Mommy make the salad for lunch. So of course I would never chew up a carrot and spit it into the salad instead of grating it like Mommy does.
I would never play tennis inside the house. I might break something. And I would never break anything. Especially not when I'm wearing my favorite diaper outfit.
Oh - I don't wear diapers any more. I did not pick out my own underpants last week and insist on wearing them every day. I don't whine every time Mommy tries to put a diaper on me. I never wet my pants. Never. Especially not when I've just been on the toilet.
I never mess around with people when they ask me questions. So I would never hold up two fingers when someone asks me how old I am and tell them I'm "dee." Or "four." Cuz I know I'm only two.
I would never take out the trash bag roll and unroll it all over the floor. If I did, I would never leave it there as evidence for Mommy to take photos of.
I would never throw a fit after swimming class because I can't take a "bath" in the hot tub. I love my showers! Oh yes - I just sing for joy in the shower after swimming class. I would never want a hot bath.
I would never eat ice cream while sitting in the car. It is messy, and I hate making messes. And Mommy would never let me eat ice cream. At least not in public. Especially when I'm coming down with an eye infection.
Here's to feeling all better soon...