Here’s how it works – Google your name followed with a verb like “needs." Copy the first few results and add your own commentary.
So here are our Thursday Thirteen for this 15-month-old bebe:
- Esmé needs to go date about 3 different guys and have the time of her life. Okay – I can do this, but I’m not sure Mommy and Daddy would approve until I’m a little older, say 16 months?
- Esmé needs her story now. Did you know there was a song by Jawbreaker about me? Neither did I! It’s not exactly kiddie music, though, so I’m not linking.
- Esmé needs love. Definitely! I’ve got plenty of it, thank goodness.
- Esmé needs to address her bank accounts. And which ones might those be? I got a piggy bank full of change – maybe I should bank it?
- Esmé needs people to pass out flyers. You wanna volunteer? I’m soliciting funds and fans for my own skateboard park. Or maybe I should focus on world hunger - but I can always feed people who come to my skateboard park, right? I’ll get those flyers designed this weekend!
- Esmé needs 24-hour nursing care. This must be old information. I still need 24-hour mommy care, but I’m not nursing 24-7 anymore. That stopped at about 6 months, I think. Now I can survive an hour or two between feedings . . .
- Esmé needs an escape. Mommy says ABSOLUTELY NOT! I was eyeing the bedroom windows today. There’s a mosquito screen and a pane; both look like they should be easy to unlatch with a little practice. Then I’m outa here (until my next feeding . . .).
- Esmé needs to get her leg up anyway. Maybe this has to do with one of my cheerleading moves?
- Esmé needs to be someone not too young and pretty. Okay – I don’t think this one’s gonna work for me. 15 months is still pretty young, and I am DEFINITELY pretty.
- Esmé needs much, much more love. I think we covered this with #3. How much love can a little kid stand?
- Esmé needs assistance with walking, showering, and getting in and out of the car. More old information. I’ve got walking downpat, thank you very much! Getting in and out of the car is quite simple, IF I want to do it. (The car seat is another story.) Alright, maybe I still need assistance with showering.
- Esmé needs to look like a Victorian doll. Not quite the look I was going for. I was aiming for the hot cheerleader babe image. Or the skateboarder punk.
- Esmé needs educating. Bring it on, folks! I’m ready to learn as soon as you start teachin’ me!