I did so not eat
eight nine homemade juice popsicles this weekend. And I did NOT spill drops of them all over the house.
And I did NOT get into the dental floss again and unravel it again. Cuz if it's a new pack, it wouldn't be "again," right?
I did NOT get into some weight loss pills and chew one up. After all, I hardly like eating food, let alone yucky pills. And I am at my ideal weight, anyways.
And while Mommy was panicking about the pills, I certainly did not climb up to the table and pour all the salt out of the salt shaker onto my wet doll, who I had dumped into my bath the previous evening.
On the subject of eating, I don't like broccoli. I am not into healthy stuff. So I certainly wouldn't eat ALL my broccoli for Mother's Day and then ask for seconds.
I love Chinese food. So I would never make my own concoction at Chi's. I'd eat what they served me. Who would want to make a magical soup from soy sauce, sugar, ice water, and black pepper when they could eat crispy fried eggplant in garlic sauce?
I did not try on seven outfits in one morning. I would only try on six at the most.
I did not climb up to the freezer and take out the fudgsicles for breakfast this morning.
And on the topic of fudgsicles, I did not put a fudgsicle into my bath water. I would want to eat it, right? Not melt it and make it look like logs in the bath...
And I did not take an egg out of the fridge for a midmorning snack and tell Mommy I needed to cook it. After all, Mommy would never let a two-year-old cook her own egg. That egg was not the best egg I have ever not eaten, if I don't say so myself...
I would never tap tap tap sticks together to make my neighbor horses think I had carrots for them. Cuz then they would be sad that there were no carrots, definitely not happy to get some attention from a cute lil girl...
Mommy would never let me drink and drive. So I'd never have an accident and splash my Odwalla red berry smoothie all over my face and give Mommy a heart attack by looking like I had a major nose bleed.
I would never write on the walls with a dry erase marker. So I would never have the opportunity to run my fingers through the wet paint touch-up while Mommy was cleaning the paint tools, right? So of course she wouldn't have to pour the paint out all over again and re-touch-up the paint touch-up and clean up all over again.
So what have you not been up to?